The real reason networking feels so awful

THE ART & SCIENCE OF LEADING SELF
The Power of Alignment

My friend, more than one C-Suite leader has told me this: "It's not easy for me. I'm an introvert."

They describe feeling discomfort, fear, and stress at networking events. I can relate. I used to have difficulty attending networking events too.

Here's what changed everything: I realized my networking struggles were actually a leadership challenge in disguise.

How I experience those events shifted when I took a step back and deconstructed it.

Your emotions are a reflection of your thoughts. If you want to generate different emotions, you need to shift your thinking. When I stepped back to examine the thoughts that made meeting new people difficult, I realized that much of my behavior was driven by thoughts that I know are not true.

The breakthrough came when I stopped trying to align my networking with generic advice and started aligning it with my core values.

The Values-Driven Transformation 🧭

My 4 core values are:

• Love

• Respect

• Integrity

• Personal courage

When I started viewing networking through this lens, everything shifted. Love is "the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth."¹ Thus, with the right intention, moving forward to meet someone new - in service of your shared growth - can be an act of love.

Showing a genuine interest in getting to know someone else demonstrates respect for them.

I regularly embrace the personal courage required to push outside of my comfort zone.

And living in alignment with my values is a form of maintaining my integrity.

Why This Matters for Your Leadership ✨

This isn't just about feeling better at networking events.

Your ability to build authentic relationships directly impacts your leadership effectiveness. Research consistently shows that leaders who prioritize relationships create stronger teams, drive higher engagement, and build more resilient organizations.

When you approach networking as relationship building rather than contact collecting, you develop the same skills that make you effective at:

• Building trust with your team

• Influencing without authority

• Creating psychological safety

• Navigating complex stakeholder relationships

The discomfort you feel at networking events? It's the same discomfort that shows up when you need to have difficult conversations, give feedback, or build coalitions. Master one, and you strengthen the other. 👈🏽

The Where’s Waldo Approach 🔍

Leading with my values helps me enter events with curiosity and renewed energy.

I take a deep breath, smile, and say, "Alright, Shawnette, let's find Waldo." That's right, I approach my initial encounters with the spirit of "Where's Waldo?" I'm not necessarily looking for specific people.

I'm looking for points of connection.

This means I don't start conversations with the normal "What do you do?" question. I ask questions that invite stories, values, and shared humanity.

Questions That Transform Conversations 💬

Here are some questions that shift the interaction from transactional to relational:

• What's lighting you up right now, inside or outside of work?

• I'd love to know, what's a cause or idea you care deeply about?

• If you could spend a month exploring any topic, what would it be?

• What's something most people don't know about you but should?

• Who's someone you admire? (Follow up question digs into the why.)

• What do you hope people say about you when you're not in the room?

• What's something you wish more people would ask you about?

• What's a small thing that brings you big joy?

• If we had met five years ago, what would have been different about you?

This list is not comprehensive, and you need to calibrate for your setting and the person. But notice how these questions shift the environment.

If you are uncomfortable with this new approach, try this:

"Hey, [Name], I'm trying something new. If you're game, rather than jumping straight into questions about what you do, I'd love to first learn more about you as an individual. So, tell me, what's something you hope people say about you when you're not in the room?"

You can offer your own answer to get the ball rolling.

Then, be present. Listen actively. Engage.

The Self-Leadership Connection 🔗

Remember: self-leadership is the practice of intentionally influencing your mindset to align your emotions and behaviors in ways that empower actions that achieve your intended results.

This approach transforms networking into leadership practice. You're intentionally influencing your mindset about what networking can be, aligning your emotions and behaviors with your values, and taking actions that achieve authentic connection.

This is self-leadership in action.

And the confidence you build through values-based networking translates directly into more effective leadership in every other domain.

This doesn't mean you don't eventually circle back to learn more about their business. It means that you lay the foundation for genuine connection before you get into that. This helps address your discomfort as well.

Genuine connection grows your comfort.

FROM INSIGHT TO ACTION
Putting It Into Practice

Your Values-Based Networking Practice

1. Clarify Your Values: Identify your 3-4 core values. How can these guide your approach to meeting new people?

2. Choose Your Questions: Select 3 questions from the list that feel authentic to you. Practice them until they feel natural.

3. Start Small: At your next networking opportunity, commit to one values-aligned conversation. Focus on genuine curiosity rather than outcomes.

The genuine connections you make plant seeds that often sprout months to years later.

DEEPENING YOUR KNOWLEDGE
Resources for You

📚 The classic guide to building authentic relationships and connecting with others (Link)

🧠 Research on EQ and authentic workplace relationships (Link)

💡 Practical strategies for meaningful conversation skills (Link) 

EXCELLENCE UNBOUNDED
How I Can Help You

High-performing executive teams don’t happen by chance. They happen by design.

Aligned Senior Leaders Are:

✅ 1.9x more likely to achieve above-average financial performance
✅ 2.5x more likely to have satisfied and engaged employees

Aligned Companies Are:

✅ 58% faster revenue growth
✅ 72% more profitable

Book a call to learn more about The Executive Alignment Playbook 🚀, an immersive, experiential leadership program.

Align your leadership team. Accelerate execution. Drive measurable results.

🎤 Speaking Engagements: My mom can attest to the fact that I LOVE to talk. 😂 Now, I put that talent to work delivering talks on Mindset, Courage, Resilience, & Innovation.

A few past clients include KraftHeinz, Amazon Women @ Payments, PAHEi, & the Panamá Chapter of the International Coaching Federation (talk delivered in Spanish).

If you are interested in having me speak at your event, please fill out this form.

MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD 📢

Until next Sunday,

Shawnette