Tiny fists, big lessons: Unveiling your leadership blindspots

THE ART & SCIENCE OF LEADING SELF
Leadership Blindspots

She slammed her fists on the table and screamed, "I'm the champion."

My niece’s paradigm had just been shattered, and she did not handle it well. You can probably relate. Moments that disrupt key aspects of your identity create stress.

Today, I want to explore an aspect of my niece's mindset that likely also derails you from time to time.

Tripping Down Memory Lane

When my niece was about 3 years old, she was great at Memory (the game).

She routinely wiped the floor with most adult family members that played with her. But, one day, my dad won the game. She was stunned.

Her lower lip started to quiver, and she balled up her fists.

As she slammed those tiny fists on the table, she bellowed, "I'm the champion!"

Those of us watching this moment exchanged some bemused glances.

Every time I revisit this story, I pull out new insights. There are so many threads to pull. 🙂 Today, I want to focus on her mindset in that moment and the lessons it offers leaders like you and me.

➡️ The Impact of a Resistance Mindset

My niece was operating from a resistance mindset.

This mindset oriented her towards resisting the present reality because it clashed with how she perceived herself. We regularly told her that "she was the champion" because she was winning. She believed us and placed stock in that.

In the beginning, we let her win.

Then, she started to win on her own because her memory was just that good.

When she lost the game, she struggled to accept the new reality because of how it threatened her identity. She was not alone in this. Studies show that up to 63% of people resist or reject feedback that conflicts with their self-image.¹ 

This explains why so many senior executives struggle to act on feedback about their leadership style.

For my niece, the idea that she was not the champion was so upsetting that she refused to accept it.

She directed her energy towards denying the outcome of the game. She even temporarily refused to interact with her grandaddy, who had won the game. 🤣

Her behavior contains 3 lessons you can use to be a better leader:

1. Understand your bias towards a resistance mindset

It is human nature to discount information that clashes with how you perceive yourself.

It is a lifetime's work to shift this default reaction. Being aware of it helps you be intentional about designing how you wish to engage with feedback that clashes with your self-perception.

Clarity about how you want to respond offers you a reference point to return to when you find yourself in that moment.

2. Be curious about your resistance mindset

Every mindset reflects underlying beliefs.

Those beliefs are a treasure trove of information that shapes your perceptions and decisions. Your first instinct, when you recognize that you are operating from a resistance mindset, may be to reject it or deny it. Don't do that.

Instead, lead with curiosity.

Spend time observing the emotions you are experiencing, the thoughts racing through your mind, and how you are interpreting the current situation.

Later, you can study this data in greater detail. You’ll be surprised how much you will learn about yourself.

3. Use this knowledge to be more effective in how you give feedback

Knowing your own tendency to reject feedback that clashes with how you see yourself is a gift.

It helps you approach giving feedback with greater empathy and skill. Think about the next time you know you will need to give feedback to a teammate, a partner, or a friend. How can you use this insight to engage them with greater emotional intelligence?

The time you spend exploring how your feedback may differ from the other person’s self-view is important.

It offers you the chance to deliver the feedback in a way that can be heard and received by the other party.

Want to explore this topic in greater detail in the future? If so, reply with a simple “Yes” to this email.

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Until next week,

Shawnette