The feedback loop you forgot to break

THE ART & SCIENCE OF LEADING SELF
The Power of Language

My friend, over the last few months, I’ve been breaking down my entire Mindset framework, piece by piece, using the metaphor of a house.

Let’s quickly revisit the structure before we dig into today’s topic:

✅ Foundation (Mindfulness) → In the same way that every home needs a sturdy foundation, Mindset work needs one too: Mindfulness. Because Mindset work is a function of mindfulness. The formula below makes understanding this more accessible and memorable.

✅ Framing (Subject–Object Shift) → This is about your ability to change your relationship to your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs from being subject to them to observing and examining them.

✅ Flooring (Detachment) → The ground you stand on. Detachment doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means loosening your grip. You are not your outcome, your title or your momentary fear. With detachment, you can walk steadily through the house without tripping on the bunched up rugs of attachment.

Then, we took a few weeks to break down Attachment, that state of grasping or clinging to people, objects, outcomes, or ideas. I shared 3 indicators you can use to identify them in yourself: Feelings, Language, and Behavior.

Each element of this framework gives you more awareness, and with awareness comes power.

Last week, we explored your emotional state (feelings) as the thermostat inside the house. This week, we’ll look at how your language reinforces that thermostat reading or resets it.

Emotional Feedback Loops and Language 🌀

Your feelings don’t live in a vacuum. Often, your language intensifies them without you even realizing it.

Take this example:

“This is a disaster.”

At first glance, it sounds like an honest reaction. But what does it actually do?

🧠 It pulls you into a state of helplessness.

💣 It escalates anxiety.

🚫 It shuts down creative problem-solving.

Now consider this phrasing:

“I notice I am feeling powerless.”

It doesn’t sugarcoat what’s happening. But it names the feeling without collapsing into it. That phrasing gives you space. You move from being ruled by the emotion to observing it. And from there, you can lead yourself more clearly. This simple shift:

🧠 Activates curiosity.

🔍 Allows your mind to ask: What’s within my control?

🛠️ Positions you to act with clarity instead of compulsion.

Here’s another example:

“They keep dropping the ball.”

While this statement may feel true, it also feeds frustration, tightens your emotional grip, and primes your nervous system for conflict. With just a few words, you have set the ball in motion for fight, flight, or freeze.

Now consider this phrasing:

“I notice I feel disappointed and want to understand what’s behind the delay.”

Your tone changes and so does your emotional state. You shift from a clenched posture to an open one. From blame to inquiry. And from reactivity to effective self-leadership.

👉🏽 You won’t always catch these phrases before you say them out loud, but with practice, you can observe your verbal patterns and start to disrupt them in ways that align with the leader you want to be.

Every moment you pause to examine your words is a chance to practice the subject–object shift.

After all, you are not your words. You can choose them. And in doing so, you reshape your mindset.

Case Study: A COO Navigates Tech Tension 🧑🏽‍💼

To put this into real-world context, consider a Chief Operating Officer at a mid-sized credit union overseeing a core tech integration project. It’s behind schedule, staff are frustrated, and vendor communication has stalled.

She walks into a team check-in and says:

“This project is a disaster. Nothing’s working.”

Immediately, the mood in the room shifts. Stress spikes. Blame begins to surface.

But she catches herself, pauses, and redirects:

“I’m noticing I’m feeling frustrated, and I want us to refocus on what’s within our control this week.”

That small self-intervention shifts her emotional state and models a mindset aligned with clarity and forward movement. Her team now mirrors that clarity. The language she chose didn’t just reveal her mindset. It shaped it.

That’s what real-time self-leadership looks like.

The Bridge Between Who You Are and Who You’re Becoming 🔗

The moment you observe your language—and shift it—you create space between what you’re feeling and how you respond.

That space? That’s the bridge.

And the more you use it, the stronger it becomes.

You know my definition of self-leadership by now. I define it as “the practice of intentionally influencing your mindset to align your emotions and behaviors in ways that empower actions that achieve your intended results.”

That’s why I wanted to spend more time on language today. Because when your words drift off course, your emotions follow. But when you become aware of the words you’re choosing, you can redirect your mind (and body since that is where you experience emotions) toward what matters.

Final Thoughts 💡

So, I will leave you with a question that I hope you use to improve your self-leadership by 1% this week:

What’s one phrase you say under stress that might be shaping your emotions in ways that don’t align with your intended results?

Make time to notice it this week. Because remember: M = f(m). Being mindful of your verbals patterns is the first step toward shifting them.

MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD 📢

EXCELLENCE UNBOUNDED
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🔍 Expose misalignment at the root

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